Ypsilantian Trains Squadron of Ninja Fishes

For all those who would dismiss "Ypsitucky" as a backwards town without any spark of ingenuity, I proudly offer up our most eminent trainer of fishes, Don Rochester.

A worker with the state wildlife conservation division, Mr. Rochester trained his fishes to snap at predatory birds who threatened the younger, vulnerable fishlets Rochester was attempting to introduce into Michigan waters. He led a squadron of Terror Trout.

The March 14, 1938 Ypsilanti Daily Press says, "Heavy losses through attacks by predatory birds, he said, were stopped when by tying feathers to grasshoppers which he fed to the fish, he taught the fish to lunge from the water and seize fish-eating birds as they swooped down upon the smaller fish. Thus instead of losing fish to the birds, the birds were eaten by his trained fish."

You might want to be a bit careful the next time you're kayaking down the river. Some of the descendants of Rochester's killer trout squad might be lurking in the shadowy pools under the trees. Like right over there. Wait, what's that--that shadow? Right there by the bow. Get the oars!--GET THE OARS! I thought I saw...AIEEEE!