Discriminating people like you recognized the recent craze for Blended Squirrel for what it was--a silly fad. A showy, silly, fad. And not very nice--squirrels don't like to be blended. You knew that all along.That's because you're a trail-blazer. A fence-cutter. Unherdable. People look up to you. However, the laughably few other people with your strength of character and power of discernment still need to keep their hands warm. And boring old fox, ermine, or squirrel just won't do. What you need is something unique.
How about the animal with a built-in warming pocket? Wouldn't it be nice to carry around a cute little opossum and tuck your hands in its toasty pouch? There's only one drawback--those needle-sharp teeth and a temper like a snapping turtle drinking sriracha. We've solved that problem for you.
Our firm maintains a retirement home for aged opossums, "Twilight Grove." When one of our residents passes on to that big roadside in the sky, we respectfully preserve the pelt, its most outstanding feature, and craft from it an exquisite muff the likes of which you've never seen--that's how rare they are. Just right for someone as rare as you. Just imagine the look on those Blended Squirrel flibbertigibbets when you sweep majestically into church with something as exciting and novel as our best Possum Muff. Stop by today and examine them, won't you?
That there is some fancy handwriting. Get this, DD: I actually HAD an opossum muff as a child. It had a fancy quilted and pleated satin interior, and a little possum head on the outside corner. I had no idea is WAS an opossum head until much later. I wonder how old that thing was when I carried it around in 1963??? Golly, now I'm REALLY feeling old.
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