Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Vote NO on Anti-Butter Proposal 4!

Dusty Diary strives to remain above the political fray.

But one proposal on the November ballot mandates that Dusty D speak out in the interest of all that is good and right.

Proposal 4 asks that the sale of yellow-colored oleomargarine be permitted in this state, whose economic bedrock is the dairy industry.

Take a look at the first pro-butter advertisement Dusty D has posted, at left (click for larger view). Admire the, um, sophisticated graphic design. Note that Butter is the keystone of the Michigan agricultural arch, which consists of such goodies as ice cream, condensed milk, and "fluid milk," with "soil conservation" thrown in for good measure.

Given these facts, can you, kind reader, feed your Michigan children oleomargarine in good conscience?

At present, you can buy oleomargarine in the familiar plastic bag with a capsule of colorant. You know the drill: you have to squoosh the bag so that the included capsule breaks and the colorant spreads throughout the disgusting oleo, rendering it yellow.

What a waste of time and energy when patriotic Michigan families can buy good pure butter without the need to adulterate it with fancy dyes.

Note the ad at left: "Protect Yourself and Family!" rendered in a sturdy, sensible font.

Kindly take notice of the warning under "Protect Your Own": "The first year Canada allowed substitutes to be colored yellow in imitation of butter cost Dairy Farmers there 50 million dollars. That can happen in Michigan...where 600,000 people depend on Dairying for their livelihood...with an investment TWICE THAT OF THE ENTIRE WORLD OPERATIONS OF THE FORD MOTOR COMPANY!"

Surely you, kind reader, would not want to be responsible for bankrupting thousands of dairymen in our noble state.

Proposal 4 means that pre-colored oleo will be available in stores, without the tedious bag-squooshing. How will you know this artificial, factory-concocted substance is pure? Who knows what will be in there? Likely a vile mishmash of impure and cheap substances--is that good enough for your child's toast? I truly doubt it.

In all fairness, Dusty D here includes three pro-oleo ads in addition to the three pro-butter ads. Note that the first pro-oleo ad, at left, presumes a general level of literacy, in a butter-fed populace, sufficient to recognize the reference to "Simon Legree." This literacy level will be lost if we switch from edifying butter to enervating margarine. Would you be content to see your children sink from butter-fed, Shakespeare-quoting prodigies to margarine-mumbling idiots? I didn't think so. Vote No on Proposal 4.

You can see that the margariners don't hesitate to sink to celebrity endorsements.

Note the moving-pictures star Billie Burke, at left, wearing the traitorous Blue Bonnet. Do you, neighbor, decide what's good for your family based on what some moving-pictures star says? Did our pioneer forefathers make decisions based on the opinions of flibbertigibbet entertainers? Nosir, they were too busy building up our State into a Dairy Stronghold.

Would you sully your table with a dubious substance that Billie Burke here advocates--advocates for a payment given her by the margariners? Nosir, you have more sense and gristle that that. You don't let some pretty "movie star" dictate what wholesome foods you feed to your children. Do you? Vote NO on Proposal 4.

Note that the pro-oleo folks disparage Grandpa in their last ad.

The man who hewed down trees for your ancestral log cabin, among the howling Michigan wolves. The man who churned butter from the milk cow to tide his family through a desperate Michigan winter. The man who made sumac ice cream for the delight of his little ones--little ones who in turn gave birth to and raised you, kind reader.

Can you, in good conscience, vote against these pioneer values? Can you spit on your grandfather's grave? I thought not. This November, vote NO on Proposal 4.


B.F. said...

Lies, damned lies, and statistics.

If the "arch" ad is to be believed, the 132,000 Michigan dairy farmers earned an average of $5,160 per year!

According to an analysis of the 1950 Census by D. Gale Johnson, and reported by Ernest W. Grove (Department of Agriculture) pdf available from the National Bureau of Economic Research (http://www.nber.org/chapters/c1057), only 2.5% of farmers earned that kind of money. The greatest number of "Farm-operator Families and Unrelated Individuals" (38.8%), earned *under* $500 that year.

So, it would appear as though the dairy industry tried to lead us astray.

Go figure.

Dusty D said...

Kindest B.F.,

Now, I won't go so far as to accuse you of being an anti-Michigandian, since I know you served your community on a local governmental board which I will decorously refrain from identifying out of respect for your privacy.

But let me merely ask you this, kind sir: did you have pure, wholesome milk on your Cheerios this morning? Did you have healthful, vitamin-y milk in your coffee this morning? Did you have delicious, nutrifying butter on your toast this morning? I, a loyal Michigander, did. Why, I'm having some scrumptious Michigan milk in my coffee RIGHT NOW, at 2 p.m.! And boy, it's good!

Fancy-pants intellecktuals can slice and dice them hifalutin' "numbers" any way to show their point. Don't fall for it, B.F. Stick with me, a loyal Michigandist. Don't give even half an ear to them tricksy "census statistics."

If you believe all that, in all respect, I've got a fine horse here to sell ya. Those ribs showin' through means she's all muscle--no fat! And that sway-back is genetically engineered for your personal riding comfort. Just don't get near enough to have 'er bite you.

Or you could just choose as a nobler steed one of our fine Michigan dairy cows. Transportation AND refreshment, all in one! That's the old spirit of Michigan pioneer ingenuity!

Vote NO on Proposal 4.

Fritz said...

Vote "NO", or the brave, romantic world of colored margarine smuggling will be no more. No more little old ladies racing across the border, their car trunks full of (rapidly melting) yellow bounty. A sadder, more mundane world would surely follow.

Dusty D said...

Kindest Fritz,

You are correct, there was a lively butter-smuggling trade between Ohio and MI and Wisconsin and MI. Butter-smugglers, many of which were the quaint old ladies to which you allude, were called "butter-leggers," in homage to "bootleggers." Many of them made a tidy profit secreting butter from Toledo or Madison in their car trunks--enough for their nightly staple of gin, anyways. All hail the innocent old law-breakin' blue-haired butter-leggers!

James said...

I shall vote no on prop 4, and will be proud to do so. We stop this before it is to late!

Dusty D said...

Dearest James,

Thank you for your kindest support. Yes! We must melt the opposition before it spreads and our chances of getting butter are toast! Stick it to 'em--then we can give ourselves a pat on the back.

Or preferably on an English muffin.