The Utter Confusion of Choosing a Calling Plan...in 1913 Ypsilanti

Like one o' them new-fangled phones? OK--but you have to choose a calling plan. How about this one?

NON-GUARANTEE SERVICE. Calling party deposits nickel five-cent piece [as opposed to the nickel ten-cent piece--ed.] for each local call. Subscriber agrees to redeem slugs or other tokens deposited as nickels. Subscriber shall receive fifty per cent. commission on receipts from local calls and ten per cent. commission on receipts from long distance messages over the lines of the Michigan State Telephone Company, the commission not to exceed ten cents on any one message.

Huh?

OK, well, that plan is out since it's gibberish. How about this one?

GUARANTEE SERVICE. Subscriber deposits five cents for each local call and guarantees amount inserted in contract for local calls. Also agrees to redeem slugs [but snails are OK--ed.] or other tokens. Excess local receipts to be equally divided, Subscriber and Company each receiving fifty per cent.

Not much clearer. But I love the stern warnings against slugs--clearly this was a big problem as people tried to cheat. But how did it work? Was there a sort of pay phone right in your house? Or just a regular old cardboard box where you put a nickel in every time you called? Bewildering.

The Michigan State Telephone Company took a dim view of other hanky-panky, too. Such as naughty language, the fifth item in this list of "Terms and Conditions".

The lessee shall not make use of foul or profane language, or personate any other individual with fraudulent intent over the wires connected with this instrument.

My favorite part of this contract? The awkward/charming way the MSTC tried to sell you an additional house phone:

AUXILIARY TELEPHONE is a special type extra telephone for residences only. It can be located in any part of the residence.

A special type extra telephone! Ooh! Sounds sparkly!

But none of this fazed R. E. Spencer of 406 Maple Street in Ypsilanti in 1913. He signed the contract and was soon chatting away. The contract he signed is duplicated, front and back, below. You can click on either image to enlarge and scrutinize its many weird details.