The Improved Quackenbush Bicycle Rifle

Cyclists: How well you know the frustrations of biking around town. Normal Ypsilantian politeness notwithstanding, there are still cars that cut you off, trucks parked in the bike lane, and motorcyclists that give you a withering look of superiority. Don't just suffer in silence. Reclaim your turf with our handy Bicycle Rifle.

It's not just our standard bicycle rifle--it's IMPROVED. That's right--we listened to you, we had a confab, we dusted off the drawing board, we retooled our machine shop, we increased our caffeine ingestion, we doodled on the backs of envelopes, we stayed late, we cracked open a bottle of Old Toad, and a few more--and we reinvented the idea of the bicycle rifle. New for 1902.

Strap this model on your spandex pants and ride with confidence and authority. Enough authority to overcome the silly ostentation of spandex pants. Or mount it on your handlebars for maximum convenience in aiming. Throw a box of ammo in your pannier and hit the streets. See what those wiseacres say now. Order the Quackenbush Improved Bicycle Rifle today.